09 August 2006

*sigh*

09 August 2006

it's 2 days before my birthday... woohoo. haha. i'm supposed to be excited and all that, since my birthday means gifts and money (haha) but honestly, i'm not. i suppose you want to know why? i really can't explain it properly; i suppose that it just comes with age. yup, that's right. age. and i'm not getting any younger.

it's actually funny 'cause before, when i was way younger, nothing seems to matter more than receiving my gifts and my birthday money. i would even go to the extent of reminding everyone that my birthday is coming up as early as june. that's how serious i was about my birthday. this time, however, i didn't quite have the same enthusiasm as before; i actually realized that my birthday was coming up at the start of the month. and by my standards, that's way late. haha. i guess what they say about people growing older: you tend to mature. 'tend' is the key word here. i'm not saying that i'm starting to get all serious and stuff; it's just that there are times that being 'carefree' and materialistic just doesn't cut it anymore. it's like it's about time that i finally have 'substance'. and i guess that's what adds to who i am.

speaking of who i am, now that i'm, let's just say, 'maturing' (hah), i just hope that nobody would try to change me into someone that they deem to be 'better'. i mean, i hope (and i'm crossing my fingers mentally as i type this) that people just accept me the way i am, and not expect me to conform to their ideals and expectations. that's what makes me unique for who i am. maybe i'll try to change a bit, you know, reach a compromise, but that's it. i won't change for someone if it means overhauling my whole personality and bending my beliefs and principles.

~

i have to wait three more months before i graduate college. now, i don't know whether i'd be happy to stay another term in school, or disappointed that i'd still be dependent and won't be able to do as i please. *sigh* i guess it's a little of both, you know what i mean? i guess i'm glad (in a way, not entirely) that i'd have an extension on actually pondering what's going to happen after college; disappointed because we could've finished the freaking thesis on time if it weren't for the numerous revisions that our *cough* beloved *cough* mentor made us do.

going back on the subject of the future (that sounds a tad intimidating), almost 4 years in college and i still haven't decided what to do after graduation. my mom had asked me a couple of times this year on what i plan to do after graduation, and i immediately answered, 'bum around'. but now it got me thinking: what happens after that? i mean, i am entitled to a few weeks, or maybe months of rest after at least 17 years of studying (it's been that long?!), but after this, what then? i haven't really given it much thought, and now, i am. i would definitely want to work in the field related to my study (which is organizational communication) which means that i'd really prefer to work in the corporate environment. i've actually given it serious thought to work in the WWE corporate headquarters, but even that seems a little far-fetched. i need to find work related to media and the corporation somewhere here in the philippines, but let's face it, there are just not that much options here. i guess that's one of the reasons that many filipinos would want to work abroad.

speaking of working abroad (yes, it's the second time i've used 'speaking of'), i've been hearing or reading stuff that you know, question the nationalism of these filipinos. like what my professor in history of civilizations said, it doesn't matter where you are, or what language you use, just as long as in your heart, you still hold the philippines dear in what you do. i have to agree. although i say: being nationalistic doesn't mean you have to endure everything happening in the philippines, or you have to stubbornly stay in the country although you know that you're going to go nowhere. it's about improving your own life as well as others', and it doesn't matter how you get it (as long as it's legal ;D). being nationalistic doens't mean that you would march head on in rallies and demonstrations opposing everything taht could be opposed. it's just being 'pinoy' at heart and living 'pinoy'.

~

my, my. isn't this an interesting blog entry. too many ideas cramped into so little space, so little time. haha. it's one of these rare moments where i actually make sense, or so i think. =D haha. anyway, i guess it's time to end this very long entry, my longest one yet (for the record! ha! as if i'm keeping record. haha). oh well... till my next 'serious' moment. haha

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